I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
MIDGETS
????
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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