Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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