Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
