even my farts smell like vagina
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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