Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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