turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
