Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
