The best revenge is premature balding
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
