So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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