i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
