What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
