I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
