Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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