4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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