i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
