Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't put those talents on a resume
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
