ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
