wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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