lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
