found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
