I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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