I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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