i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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