You're my little dorito
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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