At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nutella sex= disaster
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My ass is underappreciated
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
