As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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