32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
