I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Randomize
