It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
