So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
