We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
