i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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