it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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