I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
