Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This house was built for laser tag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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