you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
