Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
