If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
