I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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