Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
