in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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