Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
