just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
