The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
