I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize