i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
