And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
