So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
