His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we're making bets on your personal life
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
