I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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