Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
