He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
