i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
