It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
