i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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