im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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