fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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