NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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