Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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