I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
