apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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