my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
