I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
