every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
