isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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