i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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