Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
