she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We have started to decorate penises.
He shit in the fireplace
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
