Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish you could order shots online.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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