so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
