Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
